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I'm a winner! I typed over the 50,000 word limit tonight and officially logged it into the Nanowrimo website. I didn't think I could do it tonight, I had to get down something close to 3000 words to do it tonight, but I wanted to do it. I was so close, and so I sat down and I worked at it and when I looked up, there were the numbers.

I really like my story so far. I think it has some really great parts and I think it needs work in a lot of areas. I actually can't wait to print it out and get into the nitty gritty with it a little bit. Sometimes along the way I felt a little lost not really being able to devote the time to planning and orgazining and editing the story the way I wanted to. How could I go and write the next scene when I didn't know where the story was going? But I would just go and write something and see how it fit in with everything else. I learned some interesting things about the characters involved and I learned some stuff about me too.

So, the word count has been logged and I am officially a winner! Now to make the story a winner too. As I have been cautioned against posting my story on the internet, if you want to read any of it, email me (you'll have to think of some way to get that through the spam filters!) and I can email you a copy. Disclaimer: The story as it stands right now is a non-linear mess. But if you are interested in raw somewhat connected scenes, your feedback is heartily accepted! Thanks for your support!

Brian wanted to do NaNoWriMo this year so he emailed everyone in his address book to do it. No one really seemed to be taking him up on the offer and he needs support when he does these huge crazy things so a few days before the writing madness was to begin, I signed on. Brian and I hashed out some rough ideas about what I could write about and you all made some suggestions as well. So it is half way through the month. I feel I am doing well. This may be a false sense of confidence, but I am generally happy with where my novel and I are. I really enjoy reading the excerpts posted on the NaNo web site, but they take forever to load and there are just small pieces. So in a bold move that I may regret later, I am posting my novel as it stands to my web site. For everyone to read. it is big, ugly and really unformatted, and I apologize for that ahead of time. I call it erotica, but maybe it isn't really, as the number of sexy scenes to other scenes is rather low. But editing and formatting will come next month, after all the words are out, or at least the largest chunk of them. And now, without further ado, Arcing.

Edit: I was informed by the Regional Leader for the Lehigh Vallet Regional Nanowrimos that a document posted on the internet is considered "published" and book publishers will probably no longer be interested in the content. Not that I think my novel is anything that serious, I do not want to ruin its possibilities and so it has been removed from the internet. If you want to read an excerpt or the whole messy thing, I guess you'll just have to email me or leave a comment. sorry!

Usually when I think these thoughts or feel these feelings, I write them off as staying up too late at night, or any of a hundred other excuses. My therapist says that I bottle things up too much, and then it all comes out at once in really ugly spurts. (yeah, you've all witnessed that) so instead I told myself that my feelings were honest, that it's ok to feel them and that they are worthy of being logged. So I am writing them here. Is it more appropriate to put them down in a private journal all my own, in my own handwriting? Probably. But typing is faster and I am already sitting here at the computer. It's a late night for me. I do not know why, but I stay up later at night when B isn't home. And I watch Crime shows like CSI and SVU. Like that brings me any comfort all alone in the house. I think that B's job is great, and that it has done wonders for him. I in no way want to misconstrue that information. He is so happy and active and just doing things, It's great to see him this way after so many bad days at Macy's or Mass MoCA or whatever. I work my job, I have to get up too early in the morning and commute further than I'd like. The deal is we get a great deal on rent. I work over 8 hours at a day that frustrates me on various levels to different degrees most days. And I know that I have been endlessly annoyed with any person who bitched like that about a job because the only person who can change it, is you. And so I don't get to bitch because I am the one who continues to stay in that job. I acknowledge that I am making sacrifices for this job and that I do not know what other job I want or can get that will change things. I'm working on it. Primary concern number one is that I am at least 10 years younger than most people O work with. Which means that on any given day the only way I can connect to them is through the experiences of their kids. Yeah, umm, not exactly how I want to be going through my days reliving high school graduation and freshman year of college. I want to be an adult and all, but I also don't want to talk politics or car care. I want to talk about music and movies and I don't want a barrage of anti marriage never have kids speeches. I don't like being "the kid" all the time. So working with other people my age would be a Godsend. Which comes to primary concern number two, as I do not really connect with any of the people at work, we do not socialize. As we have also moved to the suburbs, there isn't really much of a neighborhood social scene, what with the 40 something parents and their barely teenaged kids. I always hear how great the suburbs are for raising families, but what about when you don't have one? Some days I am so heart sick that B and Dan get to work everyday in the city with all these theatres and art people. I have to work so hard if I want to just catch a show after work. So most nights I am home, B is working. I make a "gourmet" dinner for two and eat it in front of the tv to distract me from the actual eating part (at least the nausea has passed. It used to be that I couldn't eat alone). I guess I could call people, but my numbers are limited. And although my knitting grows by inches every evening, I feel more and more distant from the whole world and I long to debate the visual merits of whatever movies are hot right now or catch a show at the Khyber not all alone. B gets me comps to all the shows at the theatre, but I have no one to talk about the show with, which almost makes it feel like it didn't happen. I get worried at times like these, these feelings of being small and insignificant. I worry they might be the feather edges of depression, and yet I do not know how to stop them. How do you make friends in situations like these? I tried joining a knitting group (the host never posts an address and no one ever RSVPs so I don't know if they even actually meet) and I tried signing up for a continuing education class in life drawing only to not have it roster. It's like those things weren't meant to be, but if so, what was or what is? I guess I just have to trust that my schedule is open for a reason, I just don't know what that reason is. I guess in a few days I won't ahve much time to care, it will be bash out the words every day of November.

it's been a while since I posted. I sort of got reamed out for my last entry, maybe it made me a little gun shy. and maybe things just got a little extra busy and crazy around here. all around, relationships were falling apart while mine only got stronger and stronger. For us, it's been great around here. Work is work and I am still learning and growing in many ways and challenges are still being thrust upon me. Brian is working through his new position and so far it seems to be assisting with our post scheduling problems so that makes us happy too. Currently we are dog sitting for my parents who are galavanting in Austrailia. This does NOT make us happy, but we are getting by.

Brian is gathering the troops for NaNoWriMo. I didn't want to do it, but I feel he will need lots of support so I told him I'd do it too. At least he knows what he wants to write about, everytime I think about it my mind goes blank, which doesn't seem a good sign. I see myself as so much more of a short story writer. maybe I should just force myself to write 30 short stories, one for each day instead of trying to string out a whole novel. I guess that would count. anyone reading this have any good ideas I might have tossed out at one point that might make a novel? I'm open to suggestions.

Today I turn 26. Technically I was born at 7:30PM so I never really feel like it's official until after then, maybe that is weird. I haven't posted in a while and a lot and a little seem to have happened.
Brian started work again, so we have started the scheduling game. He gets his schedule one week ahead, on a good week and then this week he got called in on a day he was scheduled off. I'm a schedule kind of girl and I don't like when I can't count on the schedule being accurate. But we are working on it.
My sister moved to her new apartment, which is very cute, has a better floor plan and really interesting linoleum in the kithchen/bathroom. I should take pictures, it's rather intense. Esp. since the rest of the apartment is a traditional creamy box. Mom and Dad had to be away that weekend and Brian, no surprise, had to work so Amanda and I pretty much did the move ourselves with some help from her boyfriend and a few other friends that stopped by. Overall it was 3 hours one night and 3 hours the next day. Pretty good move in my book. It felt good to be in charge and capable of doing it ourselves.
Not that I have checked but there must be some sort of relationship planet or star or something in retrograde because suddenly many of my friends are out of love and I don't know how to be the most helpful to any of them. The Best Man Dan has come to stay with us for a bit to put some distance between him and the painful parts of Philly. I am not sure what is happening with Jac and Jody, but it wasn't pretty. I stand by Jac as a true friend and I'll be here if he needs me and maybe someday we can all help him out so he doesn't get trapped again. Amanda and her boyfriend are ok, but he better not hit McDonald's again without asking the rest of us first!
My job has ramped up. Some new people are coming in, some old people are leaving and there is a bit of jostling around within. My boss is trying to change a lot of things that are my responsibility, to pass them off on someone else to free me up to do more. She is delegating me new things that play to my strengths, and still trying to fill in the gaps in my training. And this is all fine and good except that it's not all that terribly exciting to me. There are pieces of the job that I enjoy and that really thrill and excite me, but overall, things seem to fall flat and there are a lot of bad things that worry me - stereotyping in the uppper ranks, inconsistent planning and follow through, crazy people in charge. The money and the benefits are so tempting, but so is Philadelphia. Brian and I might have fewer scheduling issues if we didn't work in opposite directions. Or is it just the real world bearing down on me? I've never had a job for more than a year and here it is almost two years! And I feel I have made a definite impact. But there is something missing. I don't know if I want more power (say in charge of a costume shop) or less (jsut sewing for other people doing what I am told, at least for a bit).
Plus, there are a lot of other pressures - my life is changing, and so is Brian's and we are starting to wonder, at what point do we have to stop and start planning for the children we want? At what point does the money my current job is offering become more important than my job satisfaction? When do we stop talking about moving somewhere else because we happen to live in a great school district? And when do we take a good hard look at our current living situation and ask, is this really working and will it work with 2 more people in here? And maybe the real problem is that my boss is the same age as my parents which means she is of the same generation where money is more important than job satisfaction and I am getting all this pressure from that generation. What are other generations doing? See, I think job satisfaction is so very important - it takes up so much of your time and how can you be a good person/parent if the thing that takes up all your time is something you are doing just so someone else can have the things that they want. In couple's therapy, that sort of relationship would never fly, why is it different for a parent/child relationship. I should NEVER EVER resent my children, esp. for something that is not their fault. Please those of another generation, what are your thoughts on this quandry?

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
Sales Associate Joann Fabrics
Production Assistant A Wish Come True
Intern William Ivey Long Costume Studio
Stitcher (several theatres)

B) Four movies you would watch over and over:
The Princess Bride
Indiana Jones (all of them!)
Monsters, Inc.
Alladin

C) Four places you have lived:
Abingdon, VA
Baltimore, MD
North Adams, MA
Philadelphia, PA

D) Four TV television shows I like to watch
When I actually have cable etc. I will watch:
CSI: Las Vegas
Miami Ink
Dark Angel (Brian says they are doing re-runs on the Sci-Fi station so this counts even though I really just watch them on DVD)
Law & Order

E ) Four places you have been on vacation:
San Fransisco, CA
Pittsburgh
Florida
Stone Harbor, NJ

F) Websites you visit daily
bloglines (come on it's such a great idea!)
I assume Yahoosports will soon be making a daily appearance
ok myspace.com (but only because I emailed some bands and I am waiting to hear back from them!)
umm, hotmail.com?
google

G) Four of my favorite foods:
Sushi
Potatoes
good steaks
orange dust products (cheetos etc.)

H) Four places I would rather be right now:
Pittsburgh
Savannah
Ireland
Africa

I) Four friends I think will respond:
No One, my list is tapped out!

On wednesday evening Brian and I met at Fyre body arts in Perkasise, PA (only a few miles from our house) to meet with this amazing artist named Karel. I had scheduled an appointment with him almost a month in advance to have him design and apply a memory tatto for my grandmother, brian's grandfather and sort of representing all of the changes that happened in the past year. (Primarily our wedding - the ending of our single lives and the rebirth of our lives as a couple, new jobs, new places, new experiences.) I looked up some symbols for the things I wanted to represent and brought them to Karel who got really excited and spent quite a bit of time sketching and researching before coming back with sketches for me. The drawing evolved a little over time, but the end result was a lovely happy sea turtle representing mother earth and wisdom, the ability to provide for others with water surrounding her (a symbol of generosity) and a phoenix representing rebirth (the legend of the phoenix that this bird has many mythical powers but will also die by bursting into flames and then be reborn again from the ashes). There is also a pair of spectral hands reaching down from the clouds representing my grandmother reaching down from heaven in this enternal cycle of give and recieve and revive. Knowing that detail is very important and due to the personal nature of the piece, I told the artist that it could be as large as it needed to be for the detail he wanted to achieve. (In retrospect, Karel designs full asian back pieces, might have wanted to consider that fact before making no size restraints!) Wednesday Karel finished the sketch and applied the stencil to my back. Perhaps back is a misnomer, the tattoo covers my entire left butt cheek all the way up my back, grazing my shoulder blade and just crossing my back bone (now THAT was an interesting feeling!). I was a little surprised by the scale, but I felt (and do feel) very strongly about the imagery that I decided to go ahead with it. We only did line work for the first session, which took about three hours (or half a season of the family guy and all of Hellboy). Karel still needs to line in the pattern on the turtle's shell and add in the hands, plus color. Brian anticipates another 6 hours which we may or may not do all at once. The evening was an interesting set of positions and I didn't get to wear a lot. Below are some quick shots Brian took the morning after. I am still in the healing phase and generally feel like some one just punched my ribs a few hundred times, but the imagery is GORGEOUS and the detail so perfect. I love it so much. And I love that I can carry these amazing good symbols with me all the time to remind me to give back and to share just like others have around us.

hatetank1414 posted and shared his answers with me so I now post here:

1. Reply with your name and I will write something random about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I will pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I will tell you my first memory of you.
6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll then ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your LJ.

There is a motorcycle parked in my driveway right now. We own it. We are motorcycle owners. Well technically we became owners last week, but now the motorcycle is here. I drove Brian to the shop to get the bike. I thought I was ok. I thought I was going to be fine, that I wasn't scared or nervous or anything. I can say that I wasn't excited, not nearly as much as my husband jangling his knees in the passenger seat next to me. The bike came out of the garage, the service man parked it and then walked away. Brian geared up - new abrasian resistant jacket with reflector strips and removeable armor, already wearing the new waterproof leather and man made materials above the ankle low profile hiking style boots, helmet, and breathable man made material gloves with grippy pads and armored knuckles. I helped snap up the jacket over the gloves and then leaned in to give him a kiss through the visor on the helmet. My lips barely brushed his skin. He grinned like a little kid. I smiled bravely and turned my back as he threw his leg over the motorcycle. I walked to my car. I might have said a prayer and then found myself trying so very hard not to cry. I didn't know I would cry. I didn't want Brian to see I was crying. I choked them down. I started the car as he took a circle around the parking lot. I waited until he circled around. I made a thumbs up at him and he confirmed. So I got in my car, pulled out onto 309 and drove home as fast as I could because he had my cell phone in his pocket leaving his dead phone with me in the car, I wanted to be near a phone as soon as possible. He wasn't coming home on 309, but he had left the directions for the alternate route at home. Given our history, I wanted to be home just in case he called because he was lost. I got home, sat down in front of the computer and tried not to count the minutes. But every time I heard a motorcycle pass by, I checked out the window. (I even looked when the souped up Honda civics went by, they sound sort of like large Harleys to me.) I didn't know what Brian's bike sounded like. And then suddenly he was there, in the driveway, safe and sound. I plan to do a post about motorcycle awareness for drivers, not that you who read this blog need to read it, but it will comfort me. Because I know that as safe as Brian is out there on the road, he's not the danger, the rest of us are. Chris, I hope you are feeling better and I pray for you. I think I will try to drum up some awareness in the area about sharing the road with motorcycles. So please, check more than once while you are out there, keep our cyclists safe!

Jonsquared tagged me, I think it was months ago. Sorry, I wasn't checking up on friends for a while.

RULES - "Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 8 facts/things/habits about yourself, saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs."

1) I am a Junior designer for a company that designs and makes Women's Support Undergarments.
2) I have pseudocholinesterase Deficiency which is why I wear a medical bracelet.
3) When I was in elementary school, I saw violinists playing pizzicato at a concert and wanted to know what they were doing so I started violin lessons in fourth grade.
4) I decided I wanted to be a fashion designer when I was 12 years old.
5) When I read books, I do not fully visualize the text, it is really sort of a sensation more than a picture.
6)I am afraid of falling. I can be up high as long as I feel secure (say a rollercoaster), but cannot try skate boarding because I might fall and hurt myself.
7) I hate large arena shows - all those lights and people, you loose sight of the music.
8) My husband has taught me to enjoy foot ball, and I do, not just for him, but for myself!

Not enough friends to tag on this so just read and enjoy and post a list if you haven't already!

The 4th of July didn't go as planned. Actually, in retrospect, it didn't go as Brian and I had planned, but I think maybe there was a reason for it.

Back-story: Brian and I are both reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance right now. We are just at the start of the book and are busy discussing making good time vs. "good time" and are you a romantic thinker or a classical thinker. Also, the author mentions that he always carries a classic book with him on his travels, which he reads aloud to his son. The idea is that questions can be asked at any time and discussed at any length. Brian and I thought that was a GREAT idea! We both wanted to do that, and not just with our kids, but together! I'm not sure I could get through some of the "classics" without some help on the side. (Maybe Amanda needs to read I, Lucifer with someone who can explain the words as she reads!)

Action: So, on the 4th, we packed my car with a cooler full of food and brought our party to my parent's house in Shickshinny. We planned to take over their kitchen and force them to sit still and not help at all (just like they always do when they visit us!). It worked on really well and we had a very nice evening being adults all together. But, the action of the epiphany comes during our car ride up. Every person has one book that seems to explain EVERYTHING to them. For me, it was The Artist's Way, and it has shaped my thoughts, feelings and reactions to the "artist" lifestyle. For Brian, it was Notes to Myself. He has shared this book with many people, having them highlight the words and phrases that speak to them as they go along. But after I read the book, we found it difficult to talk about, so much of it jumbled together. So Brian wanted to read aloud Notes. We started on the drive up. The second page was as far as we got before we hit pay dirt. We discussed death and what it meant to accept death to both of us. I realized that I couldn't accept Brian's death right now because I am not happy with my own life. Brian said that when he thinks about death, he feels calm and peaceful. His epiphany was that no matter how mundane the task at hand is, if it is the last thing you do before you die, how wonderful to be DOING it, to feel those muscles move and work. So, if the ability to just DO things is what is important, then it doesn't matter WHAT you are doing. Each and every moment is equally important just because IT IS. I won't try to explain his epiphany because, well, it wasn't mine, I am not sure of the specific significance to him, and he's supposed to write his own journal about it.
And my epiphany: The author of Notes says: "I am me, THAT is the miracle." In the face of death, we look back and regret the things we never did or never achieved. I look at my life right now and am frustrated by what I am NOT doing. I want to win awards and great acclaim and design stunning fashion collections. But that's not important, what IS important is my ability to DO those things. In reference to Brian's discovery, whatever I am doing right now is what I SHOULD be doing. So if I win awards, then great, but if not, maybe I wasn't supposed to. Now is just as important as later, so why look forward to something that may not be my future? So, and here is Brian again, Seize the Day may not mean run around and do all the crazy stuff you want to before you die, it might just mean lay claim to each and every moment of each and every day. Ok, I hear that. But, the miracle is ME, my personality, all the parts that make up ME. And so, in the end, it doesn't matter what it is that I do, the miracle is that they happened, they happened because I am who I am. So the end result, the fashion collection, the awards, they don't matter at all, the only thing that matters is ME, me being who I am, ME being different from anyone, or ME being LIKE other people. It's the journey, not the destination. And suddenly, I was in tears, because I suddenly understood Zen and it was like taking a deep, deep breath of fresh clean air. Whatever it is that I am doing in the here and now is exactly what I am supposed to be doing here and now because I am doing it. It is useless to try to explain this in words like this, and I fall back onto clichés because I know what they mean now.

I write this to document this moment, so later I can look back and remember. And also to let everyone know that this is the gift Brian and I received from changed plans. So thank you. We wanted you to know what a great gift it was, a gift for life, every day, every moment.

My mother informs me that one year ago, we were holding my wedding shower this weekend. One year. I remember all the planning Brian and I were working on - finessing each of the details to present a complete and cohesive whole like a intricately designed fashion collection or a highly structured play. In the end, did it really matter that the flatware was un-filigreed? I don't know, but it mattered to us that it wasn't. And one year ago my grandma filled the places I now call home, and she was the one who welcomed us onto to her back porch and showed us a good time. Plus, Mr. Sun put in an appearance which I can't say for this weekend! I don't know if I can ever go to another wedding/shower without judging, comparing and wondering about all these details. I am glad that it is over, and that we can now focus on the next big things. The thing is though that I miss having a big project for us to share working on. Even when we got this new house, it was a project to share. But now we don't, he's researching motorcycles and I am...well I guess I knit most of the time even though I should be trying to get my fledgling design career in gear. But ah yes, one year ago, chaos was about to ensue. My wedding dress was going to come in from ebay and be a disaster that only paled in comparison to my sister losing her job and having to move from CT in a week. I was willing to wear the ugly dress if only to deal with the true drama of helping my sister out. Instead, it was my mom and sister who helped me out by finding The Dress on a visit to me and Amanda found her current job at the same time. So whatever was in retrograde certainly came right in the end. And I thank any and all Gods for that. Friends and Family, that's what it's all about. I love you all!

This is a picture of my little sister at her college graduation. I like it because it captures that exact moment, her eyes nervously watching the rest of her classmates gather by the stage and taking in her family gathered close by. All the grandparents were there, Grandma Mendsen and Grammy and Poppy. Plus Brian and I made the trip. I also like that the year is clear, right there on her tassel, still on the right, not yet passed over to the other side. Of course my sister is still trying to pass over to the other side, the one where you realize that you will be working for the rest of your life and that all your friends are just a little too far away everyday, and that there's no going back. But right then, she was waiting for the ceremony to start and for the last hugs and kisses and tears with friends. I love you my sister, that moment, this moment photographed is for you.

Yesterday I told Brian about this amazing motorcycle I saw, and he found it amusing. He said to put it in my journal. So, yesterday as I was driving home from work I saw a motorcycle SO GIGANTIC it looked like a small Bug. Now when I saw BUG, I mean like VW. The motorcycle was so big it looked like a really small car. I wish I had a picture to show you. The bike itself wasn't really THAT big, but it had all these jutting out plastic parts, it really looked like the motorcycle had swimmies (those strange inflatable plastic guys that fit on your arms when your parents are afraid you can't swim but you refuse to stay in the shallow end ANY MORE!) The swimmies thing wasn't assisted by the fact that the plastic bits of the motorcycle were yellow. Not golden yellow like they paint mustangs. No this was a sunnier yellow, a little lighter, perkier one might say. In fact I KNOW I have seen a New BUG painted exactly this color. I wish I could say that it was a really cool motorcycle with a side car and that was what made it so unwieldy, but no, it really was just a regular bike with some over-sized plastic parts. It looked like the rider was afraid it might tip over, so it put out some pontoons to help balance it and keep it upright. I really do wish I had a picture.

This week, my boss asked me to do some research on some new size systems that are being proposed for women's clothing. Before you get too excited, it is important to note that these systems are not really functioning as of yet, but at least some of the clothing industry has realized that maybe we should update our specs because ummm, we haven't done that since the 50's. And really, women's bodies have changed shape dramatically since then. If you've ever tried on vintage dresses, it's obvious right away. First, let's look at the sizes. Based on my own experiences, I wore a 14 in the 50's a 12 in the 70's and something like a 10 today at least in Vogue patterns (which I think are made by the same measurement systems and not AS influenced by the mass retail system.) Interesting, plus the waist are much smaller, in a different location and usually the arm holes try to remove my arms from my body. I attribute this to women being more active and having more muscle tone generally than back in the day. So there is a company out there doing a massive, computer driven survey on women, their measurements, and their "sizes". (SizeUSA) This information has been provided to manufacturer's who have been pretty much surprised by the difference between their specs and the actual measurements of people wearing their sizes. So maybe change is in the future. Another approach by another company called Intellifit is not trying to standardize the industry (an approach that will probably be more successful) by provide a customer with a personalized database of styles, sizes, and brands that will fit them. Intellifit does this by doing a computer scan of the customer's body which takes hundreds of accurate body measurements, a few answers to some basic survey questions about fit and brands preferred, and then spits out a list of things the customer should try on. This list is compiled using specs provided by participating companies. So far, there are not that many companies on board, but this could help a lot of customers and companies. So far, it is not one hundred percent accurate, but then again, how can a computer know what your personal preferences are? But it has helped a lot of people cut down on shopping time by narrowing their search to specific styles or sizes. So that's good news. Eventually Intellifit hopes to improve online shopping based on their scans.
So what does this have to do with Big Oil? While I was reading about the different companies and their ideas, I wanted to get actual user reviews on the different systems. Did it work, was it hard to use, likes/dislikes. So I was scanning through some blogs etc. On one, there was a 3 or 4 page multi-commenter rant about how men get all sorts of waist measurements and inseams to choose from and how women don't and maybe sometimes they get 3 lengths to choose from and that's not fair. They were insisting that women's pants specifically be switched over to a measurement system because that would be better. Ok, I hear that. In the same post though a woman lamented that last year at Old Navy she wore a size 4 but this year she couldn't even get into a size 6. Umm, ok lady, are you ready to admit that you have a 31 inch waist if you get upset about size 6 vs. size 8? And really, it's just a number. Last year clothing was made with more ease - the bohemian look ruled the marketplace which was loose fitting, etc. This year it;s all about the skinny jean and tight (but long) t-shirts! Plus waistlines are rising to the belly button, so YEAH you might change size because you don't want your pants to fit that tight. That's not YOU, that's the market place. Another woman said that although she ALWAYS buys the same size and the same store, she grabs the size smaller hoping hoping hoping that maybe this time, it will be the size smaller. Lady, are you going to pick up the 28 inch waist pants everytime even though you KNOW that the tape measure says 30? Really, I don't think you women are ready to fully admit to what size you are. And now for my favorite comment. A guy wrote in that see, because women can't get pants that fit, they buy more shoes. And Shoes, cost WAY more than getting your pants hemmed (which isn't even something my generation KNOWS about, you ever seen a 20 something guy in a suit? He never got it fitted, he didn't know you were supposed to!) so the shoe companies are blocking out any company that is trying to standardize the sizing systems for women's clothing. They would lose millions of dollars. So in my mind, the shoe companies are like Big Oil, trying to block out any car companies from making cars that run on water. And really people, I don't think so. My boss said maybe it wasn't a heel thing to make the long pants stay off the ground, maybe it's a comfort thing, well I can't buy pants dammit so I'll just get more shoes! I don't know, I am just relaying the things I read. What do you think? I personally have never purchased a pair of shoes because my pants didn't fit. But that's me. And now I am propagating rumors on the internet, go me!

How about an update from me too? Ok, today I did LOTS of work around the house. I feel very adult. I did laundry, built furniture, sold some, moved lots of stuff and put pictures in frames. Still on the list is MORE laundry (folding it too!) and making dinner. Wow. I sound very exciting. Then I will go to work for the rest of the week where I will struggle endlessly with things like what pattern did you want me to be working on in which fabric and what size? (and then learning that in fact I was to be working on the same pattern in three different fabrics for three different customers. Oh yeah, why didn't I KNOW that!?) I will spend the week beating my head against a corporation that seems to think two things that do NOT work for me. One, that men know how to design bras. That they know what women want and need in this all important undergarment that we all wear something like 12 hours a day from the age of 11 until DEATH. Now, as far as I know, none of these men WEAR a bra, so I'm not exactly sure where the expertise comes in. Two, that we women, who design this underwear, despite a rather decent 20 year track record, we women don't know how to do our jobs. Right. So just because you are the head guy and we are doing really well right now, you need to exert your POWER by questioning systems that have been in place and doing really well for YEARS. You do realize that you are messing things up just so you can look like you have power? (Release tension) Most of the time I just sit at my computer and make little lines attach to one another in a way that makes underwear fit people in a range of sizes. Then I print it out on paper and someone else cuts out the pattern. Other people sew it for me and then I get a garment back and go fit it on a person. And we discuss what we like and don't like about the fit. Then I go back to the computer and fix it. Over and Over and OVer again, until it is good. Then it gets sent someplace else where they make all the sizes and colors and then we fit them on people again and hope they are great! And that's my job. I find it really interesting. It's a rather technical science trying to figure out why lycra does and doesn't fit and how to make it better. But no pretty things for us, just science.
And for all this updating, I posted questions in some posts a while back and I got no responses! Does this mean no one read it, or no one has answers!? I didn't post them retorically!

One night, after Brian and I left the library it was at the moment when a storm is breaking up, but is still raging all around you. This coincided with the sun setting, creating awesome affects. This is the reason I try to carry my camera ALL THE TIME! I started snapping. I have quite a few images from that eveing but this one really gives the feeling of being there. It was eerie, strange, foreign, like we didn't belong. And the weird reflections from the headlights make them look like aliens. (I think this was actually created by the rain drops in the car window I was shooting through, but does that ruin the effect now that I told you?) I really like this picture, but I am not sure I would ever publish it or print it. It's just wierd, but I wanted to share.

As the new year dawned, I made an amazing discovery. Or was it a realization? I'm not sure. Let me explain. When I was little, I learned how to sew. Sewing to me was an old fashioned thing, a thing people did to get by. Old clothes were recycled into quilts in Little House on the Prarie, hand made dowries were highly prized, etc. Sewing was a frugal thing, a way to put all the bits and pieces together into some sort of recognizable pattern (hmm, maybe that is another reason I find sewing so soothing, creating order from chaos?) Then I started to grow up. I learned all about big name fashion celebrities and how they sell clothing starting at $100 for a t-shirt. A t-shirt I could make myself for a few bucks. And it goes on. Eventually I learned that even though I could buy the t-shirt and hand sew the neat patch on it, but that was a lot of labor, making it not cheap. I was learning that sewing and fashion were not the cheap way out. There are stores like Target and Walmart that little people like me can never compete with. Now maybe that's beside the point, but deep inside I have always felt that I should be helping those around me with any of the skills I possess. I had hoped that I could use my sewing skills to design for the american public. But we return to the knowledge that there is NO WAY that little old me hunched over a sewing can compete with the mega-stores. So I didn't sew anymore. Brian points out that with my current job, I really am helping the average american. Walmart is one of many customers we make underwear for! And the other realization I made was that sewing is no longer a frugal art, it is a luxury art. My lip curls at this thought, but really, what is wrong with luxury, if it is properly enjoyed? Not luxury for luxury's sake, but because the market place does not provide for you. I started thinking of my extremely tall, lanky guy friends who despaired of ever finding a store bought shirt that would fit them properly or a suit that actually meaured right. But I can provide that, and it can cost a little more but that can be ok. And slowly, I have started to come to terms with this idea. The big turn around was realizing that "hand sewing" isn't a frugal thing anymore, not in our culture. And that I personally can't change that. So, I am working on developing a "clothing line" for both men and women. It will probably be split in two - basics that will be made to measure, and a more fasionable line that will be customizable. After much debate, Brian and I still really like my first "name" basicleigh. Only we think it might be witty to define the lines with the name. the basics would be Basicleigh and the Fashion line would be SharpLeigh, the overall concept maybe just Designed by Leigh? Not sure about that. We also like Binary Tailoring and Design - On the Mark and Off Beat, which of course could be represented by 1/0 (on and off!) Brian thought that might get lost on people. But it is fun. So, that's where things stand at the moment. I still need to get some basic supplies before I can get started and do measurements for the guys with their orders in! Let me know what you think.